Heroes: Everything That Rises
1 hour ago
Revisiting the Context of Plato's Cave and Mormonism
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I was talking to my husband's mom the other day, while she was watching some guy, named "Jimmer,*" throw a ball around. Apparently, I "needed to be watching" that game, or so I was told. (I really wasn't interested.) She kept going on and on about him, and how he was a nice guy, how he was on all these tv shows, how he's not the crap player who was having consensual sex with his girlfriend, and so on.
Later, as I related the story of mind numbing-not-caringness to my husband, I had this idea: Mormonism and The World are in Plato's cave. I mean, really, most of the world is in the cave. How could it not be? If Huxley were alive today when he wrote his book, Brave New World would be filed under "Social Commentary" not science fiction.
So this is how it works: Mormons are in the cave. The World is in the cave. And everyone is just kind of chained up in there together like a bunch of unenlightened dumbasses. So what is the difference between Mormons and The World? I will tell you.
Mormons refuse to entertain themselves with the shadows that The World likes. Mormons award their own prizes and honors to each other for shadows, of which the Mormon leader in the cave approves. In a sense, Mormons are EVEN more ridiculous because they somehow think their shadows and honors are better then the poor schmuck chained to the wall next to them. Similar things can be said of other people-made organizations, though some, like the Church, take it to a rather fucking-insane level by attaching "salvation" to their shadows and honors.
Also, by putting The World in the Cave, I'm not saying The World is evil, but that doesn't mean it's enlightened either.
PS - I wrote "World" so many times, now it doesn't look like a word.
*WHAT KIND OF A NAME IS "JIMMER"? SERIOUSLY, IS THIS A PERSON OR SOME KIND OF FISH-BAIT?!
Posted by
Hypatia
In:
Validating My Mormon Background
To any who may think, "oh Hypatia just wasn't faithful enough" or that "Hypatia just didn't surround herself with enough church things" I just want to say that you are an asshole who has no idea what you are talking about. It was my full immersion (wink wink) in mormony things that helped me to see it was not for me in the long run. Here are some of my mormon credentials (starting from when I was young):
1. Beehive President
2. Miamaid President
3. Laurel President
4. Youth Camp Leader (3 years)
5. Seminary Graduate (Seminary overlapped with college because I started going to college at 17)
6. Primary Teacher (Before I transferred to the Y)
7. Institute Attendee (for one year)
8. BYU Graduate
9. Married in the Temple to an RM
10. Primary Teacher with my Husband
Sure, I was never Relief Society President or anything, BUT considering I stopped believing in my early 20s, I would have to say that I had quite a few credentials under my belt!
Mother Dearest is Out
I'm planning on posting a few things in the coming week. Recently, there have been a lot of changes in my life. I've decided to put a buffer on my toxic mother, and have had to stand up for that boundary on more than one occasion. My father, who has normalized the abuse, doesn't understand why I won't talk to my mother at all and yesterday asked, "So, what? You're just never going to talk to your mom again?" He tries to tell me how much she's improved, that the combination of psychiatrist, therapist, and new drugs that she's doing a lot better. Unlike her, I haven't had that luxury of getting the mental treatment I need. I'm currently waiting for insurance cards so I can see a goddamn therapist myself.
I didn't commit to calling her, even though my dad tried to say, "Just call, say hi and give the phone to her granddaughter." I said I couldn't commit to that. He finally suggested that Marcus call and do that, since I mentioned I was considering it on my mother's birthday, "even though it might make her sad" that I wasn't the one who called. He called because of a brief fallout that happened when she used my dad's cell phone to call me, knowing I would not pick up calls from her cell, or from the house phone because I know it's her. I told her in family therapy, and multiple times that I'm comfortable only with emails right now, but yesterday she called, from my dad's phone. I answered and said "hello," when I heard her say my name in that irritated voice of hers. Then, a "miracle" happened and the call dropped! I don't think I would have had the courage to hang up on her myself, but the universe worked in my favor yesterday and it looked like I just hung up on her. I let them assume that's what happened. It was so sneaky of her to do that and my dad told me that she realized that it wasn't a good way to try to communicate with me and that it did look sneaky. He said she realized that and was sorry she did that. Except she tells him that and never bothers to write me an email explaining that. She tells everyone around her how sorry she is, but never writes me a genuine letter of apology.
I never had the choice of having a normal mother. I never had the choice to not get the constant verbal and emotional abuse. I never had the choice to not suffer in that house growing up with the constant fights, manipulation, and threats of divorce. Now she doesn't have the choice to just treat me as she pleases. Communicate the way SHE wants to anymore. She is merely meeting the consequences of her actions. She has made this bed.
The good thing in all of this is that now she knows she can't operate in secret. I have no problem telling anyone and everyone how she is abusive, toxic, unstable and how she has refused to get herself the right treatment for so long. It has been about a week and a half since I've received a text from her, and it is like a major burden in my life has been lifted. The last text I received from her was some sorry attempt at a complement. Like she was trying to find something nice enough to say to me so I would reply via text. But I saw right through that. She was told that text and phone was off limits, and instead of sending me an email, she sends me a text because she KNOWS that I have said, over and over, that she is not to text or call me. Even by sending something sugary sweet in a text, it is obvious that she is trying to pull me in again. To get me to text back and break my boundaries. I won't do it.
Posted by
Hypatia
In:
Not Really Coming Out
I am not coming out fully... yet. But I am slowly testing the waters with family. I'm going to be posting more on my personal blog (which I talk more about the current adventure my family is on, parenting, reading, writing, etc.) . If you would like to follow me there, contact me using the contact form on the contact page of this blog with your name, email, and I will get back to you with my other blog's information. I will give you the blog address to follow, but I will ask that you do not associate this blog, with the one associated with my real name at all. This is very important. Thanks...
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