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Posted by Hypatia In: , , ,

Gregorian Monks, Music, and Kolob

OK, so lately I'm completely in love with Monastic Music. Bah rum cha!

No really, Gregorian Chant is really my thing as of late. It's so soothing to listen to, and helps me feel total "zen" when I'm trying to zone out on my lunch break at work.

There is probably something to that. I mean, religious music resonates with people and they feel "good" and probably attribute that to the "spirit." I can see how if faithful LDS members listen to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, and feel the same way I do when I listen to Gregorian Chant music, then they are Mormon4Life.

Honestly though, the music aspect of the LDS church was never all that appealing to me. Except for a couple of songs when I was in primary, I never really thought the music in church was all that beautiful.

Except for "If you could hie to Kolob." To me, that shit was the best. I mean the BEST. It sounded cool. It was about Kolob, and I've always been into science fiction to some degree. Also, the part If you could hie to Kolob in the twinkling of an eye always reminded and reminds me still of "Beam me up, Scotty!" And what I loved a ton about this song, is that it wasn't the whitewashed version of Mormonism that is currently the emphasized in the Sunday School manuals, it was what made me, as a Mormon, different than any Joe Christian. Frankly, I thought Mormonism kicked Christianity in the ass when it came to the "awesome" factor.

I mean, Mormonism basically says that God evolved from a lower form and then started life on earth. Something close to, though not exactly the same as, what Dawkins himself has said is possible. (Though this begs the question, "who designed the designer?" But maybe not really, because the designer EVOLVED from a natural process to begin with!) Anywho, I thought I'd share a video of that hymn here... just cause I'm in the mood. And I'm on a break at work. :)



What do you all think? Can music be the main crux for someone's faith in a religion?


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Posted by Hypatia In: , ,

The Dreaded A-Word


I've been struggling lately. Struggling with the "A" word. Struggling with the fact that I'm no longer kidding anyone.


I'm pretty sure I'm an atheist. It's become more and more apparent to me in the last few months.

What really made it apparent was this week's Christian Fiction discussion in my adult reading materials class. I read a Catholic book called "The Messenger" about this self important priest preaching against the pharisees in the Catholic church, anyways, I digress. What really hit me was the fact that, in an online class discussion, I referred to myself as a "post mormon atheist" to explain my personal perspective with regards to the book.

I think that is the first time I've ever used that term to refer to myself in a public forum, with my REAL NAME.

Yet, for me. It's still so taboo. So many times my mother has asked me if I was the A-word and I instantly recoiled saying "No."

I've looked for other labels. Ones that sounded less abrasive than the A-word, when I finally am starting to realize that the issue lies with me. I have a problem with it because it's been ingrained in me that atheists are the scum of the earth and want to eat babies for breakfast.

I'm starting to realize that I might need to see a therapist. Lately, I'm biting my nails more than ever and displaying other nervous tendencies. I just want to be honest with EVERYONE about what I am and what I think. My immediate family doesn't want anyone in the extended family to know of my disbelief in the church because it is shameful to them. And my husband is fearful that his extended family will know of it as well. And while, some of my uncles and aunts on my mother's side of the family know, and have been supportive of me (they aren't active mormons), no one else is really allowed to know. And there is always the ever irritating assumption on the part of my parents that "this is just a phase," and I'll realize the error of my ways someday.

I've been thinking that maybe I could benefit from a therapist the way a fellow blogger did. I am insecure in who I am and I need confidence. Because more than anything I want to officially resign from the church, and more than anything I'm still terrified to do so. I don't want to be ashamed of what and who I am anymore.



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