Family
Life has been too busy to notice that I'm avoiding things. My extended family hasn't seen me in the longest time. And it's not like they live far away, they don't, but I just have avoided opportunities to visit with them, and I certainly have not gone out of my way to seek them out.
I feel like I've cut them all out. I created a special list on my facebook, that I have blocked from seeing my wall. This list consists of all my family and extended family, and the majority of my mormon friends (though not all). I have this list blocked from my wall, because I feel like I can't be honest with them, and therefore I remove them from my life. (Who would've thought facebook could be such a powerful thing?)
I can't stand duplicity. So I just avoid the confrontation which I know would occur if the fact that I no longer attend church came up at a family gathering. I have this suspicion that they already know. My well intentioned father and my insane mother may have already blabbed to them about my heresy. The thought is unsettling to me, though I frequently remind myself it doesn't matter.
I feel ashamed. Though deep down I know I shouldn't feel ashamed. And yet I do. These are people that I grew up with. They are my family. I looked forward to the summer vacations and the holidays when I would get together and play games with my cousins. After growing up and going away to college, my relations with my extended family became strained because of a stupid family feud. Now they are even more strained because I don't want to turn people against each other by joining the "non-active" side of the family. I don't want to be put on a side within the family. So I have chosen to remove myself from it.
I feel sad things are the way they are. But these are the current state of things. I don't know how to confront reality.
Family
This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 21, 2010
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3 comments:
This is the worst part of leaving the church and I think it is the reason so many people throw their hands up and decide to stay despite how uncomfortable that is to do.
My wife and I are doing similar things. We rarely see family members and when we do, if we get on the topic of religion or politics we discover just how different our beliefs are now.
We know that behind our backs they are talking about how tragic our situation is. I imagine them mentioning our situation in a fast and testimony meeting or in a Sunday School discussion. And I know the family is frequently discussing the issue when we're not around.
What really gets me though is a couple of them seem to think it is their mission to keep my kids "connected" with the gospel as much as possible, so every now and then they will try and pull my daughters aside and have a gospel discussion with them.
Our most recent discussion made it pretty clear that we're not LDS, and we're not going back so just accept that. We had a long conversation over the 4th of July weekend at our house. It was both good and bad, but I think every time we have a conversation things get a little better. I did realize however, that I will never get them to see things my way and so I need to accept that as well.
I'm just going to have to learn to love these people even if I think their crazy.
Wow, that was heavy. Thank you for your honesty. Sounds rough. It only hurts because you care.
I can see a few solutions -- all tough, though.
(1) Make a whole new group of friends with deep ties.
(2) Move. Leave for a few years, then return after you have built a strong identity away from all the familiar.
Just some thoughts. But it is tough. I was lucky enough to move to another country.
Happy Lost Sheep and Sabio-
I just want to say I'm sorry in neglected to responding to your comments. Life has been crazy lately and I just wanted to say thank you for the kind words, and the advice.
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